Father's Day Without A Father

While everyone is happy celebrating father's day,

I stood alone in the corner like a mushroom,  

missing you.

Yes, another year has gone by.

Yes, it's another father's day without father.

When was the last time I saw you?

How many years have gone by?

Five? Eight?

No, it's nineteen.

Nineteen years..

Nineteen Daddy's day without my beloved Daddy.

It's been too long, too long to remember.

I forgot how it's like to make you a Daddy card,

I forgot how it's like to hug you when you came home.

I forgot how it's like to kiss you on your cheek,

I forgot how it's like to see you smile..

like I'm your one and only one.

I no longer the little girl who waits at the door step for Daddy to be home,

Because I know, no matter how long I waited, you will never be.
Never.

Everyday, I misses you.
But sometimes, I misses you tons.
I couldn't control but cry and cry and cry.
Still,
You will never hug and hush me again.
Not anymore.

There are times when I thought that this was just a dream,

the one writing here now, it's not the real me but only dreams.

And I will see you smile affably at me when I open my eyes.

But, reality torn me apart over and over again,

You were never there,
not even once.

There are days when my emotions floods.

It submerge me with all the memories I barely left.

It's sad, and it hurts;
but I never fight back.

I drown myself and follow wherever it takes me to,

Because It's the only way to be close to you,
the only way to feel you again.

No one understands how much I misses you,

No one knows how much I wanted you to be here.

No one realize that,

I'm still the little girl...

waiting for Daddy to be home.

I really miss you Daddy..
So much.
I love you Daddy,
with all my heart.

Can I still be your daughter if there's next life?
Please?

Happy Daddy's Day, Daddy....

my one and only Hero...
Always..

 

 

With tons and tons of love,

Your grown up "Little Princess"

♥ Audrey ♥